


One Up

by corktree



Series: Competitive Husbands [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Competition, F/M, Fluff, I Tried, Maybe a bit, Men and their testosterone, fluffy goodness, is this ooc?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-07
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2018-04-03 08:24:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4093927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corktree/pseuds/corktree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternatively titled, when Alistair and Cullen battle it out to see who’s better or more over, whose wife is better than the other.<br/>____________<br/>Part One of my Competitive Husbands series<br/>_______________<br/>Inspired by a dream I had, and a gift for Jennifer</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jingsino](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jingsino/gifts).



Honestly, it didn’t mean to come out like this, but what else do you get with two legendary warriors sharing stories over drinks? A friendly banter about their adventures is sadly not the case. It’s more like, “who’s saved more and done more?” Maker blessed be those who had to sit around and listen to two grown men bicker about these things. Alistair was only meant to be staying in Skyhold for a few months, but with this new argument coming about, something tells the citizens of Skyhold that it would be much longer than that.

“…And at the battle in the Arbor Wilds, I swore I had slain over a hundred men, but they kept coming! There was no end, I swear on Andraste herself!” Cullen took one more swing of his liquor. “But thank the Maker, with my wit and strength I slain them all, down to the last red templar!” Cullen smiled and gave Alistair a small friendly shove.

Unfortunately, Alistair took that shove as Cullen saying something along the lines “Beat that bitch! I’m better than you!” maybe not that language, but surely something along those lines. Alistair smiled back of course, nothing wrong with a _little friendly_ competition!

“Ahh, that takes me back Cullen. Back to when I had to battle all the darkspawn in the fifth blight! Remember that? The blight that nearly single handedly wiped out Ferelden? Hundreds upon hundreds of darkspawn, all slain by yours truly, Grey Warden Alistair, well used to be Grey Warden Alistair… but still can you believe that? I myself can’t even believe it!” Alistair chuckled while downing his fifth glass of liquor.

“Trying to one up me Alistair?” Cullen tried to chuckle, but no matter who heard it, it definitely had some angered undertones.

“Maker! Perish the thought! Me? King Alistair Theirin of Ferelden, try to one up Commander Cullen Rutherford of the Inquisition? Aren’t you just full of jokes tonight Cullen!” Now, this was the drinks talking, maybe, partially. Well, okay, _maybe_ Alistair was trying to one up Cullen, _just a bit_.

“Hmph, at least I actually became a templar,” Cullen muttered under his breath while he took a sip of his liquor.

“At least I don’t need to style my hair in the morning,” Alistair mumbled.

Cullen raised his eyebrow, as if to say “Challenged Accepted.”

“Alistair, friend, don’t you love how much blonder my hair is compared to yours? I love the difference, I think it suits me well, and your hair, well it suits you well.” Cullen brushed his hand through his hair as he whispered “I guess.”

_Well that is sort of true…_ Alistair thought as he scanned the room for something, something he could utilize to his advantage. His eyes landed on his advantage, but before he could filter it, he said it. “Well, at least Morrigan hates me more than you.” _Nice one Alistair, just nice._

Cullen looked behind him to see Morrigan who was already looking towards them, probably heard Alistair, since he wasn’t exactly a quiet drunk. “Well, at least Morrigan actually likes me.”

“Are you two incredibly stupid?” Morrigan came up behind them after hearing her name twice in this conversation. “’tis most childish to bicker like this, do me a favor? Keep me out of this petty fight, you have other women to use other than me.” She started walking off when she turned around, “And just for your information, I don’t particularly like either of you more than the other.”

The two blonde warriors looked at each other, laughed, and took another swig of the liquor in their cups. “Well, Morrigan is right, this was a bit childish,” Cullen stated laughing at how childish he had just been.

“Yeah, definitely! But she did remind me to get back to Elissa, she’s always busy you know, trying to save the people of Fereleden, by herself.” Alistair looked down at his empty cup, and flagged down Cabot asking for another cup.

_Really? Did this little… did he really just do that? For the pride of Evelyn and I, Maker help me_. Cullen took a deep breath, but before he knew it the words were already slipping his mouth. “Oh that reminds me! I must speak to Leliana soon. I must ask if Sparrow came back with a letter from Evelyn. I must know if she’s doing okay in the Frostback Basin. You know, since she’s stopping imminent threats from destroying our continent and all. Really must get to Leliana soon.”

“The Frostback Basin? Reminds me of when Elissa and I went back the Frostback Mountains to find Andraste’s ashes to save the Arl of Redcliffe, which we did. Together. Well, mostly Elissa because she’s just so, _wow_. “

Morrigan snickered from a few feet back, “so childish, but so fun to watch.”

“It’s hard to speak about the Frostback Mountains because of what happened at Haven. Where Corypheus nearly destroyed us all, but Evelyn nearly sacrificed herself to save us, Evelyn is basically a savior.”

“Well, Elissa defeated an Archdemon as well, a real one. Basically, single-handedly! Without her, where would we be? Not in Ferelden certainly, because you know, that blight nearly destroyed this kingdom.”

Alistair nor Cullen were going to back down, that was for sure.

“Evelyn had slain that darkspawn Magister, Corypheus, almost single-handedly, and saved Southern Thedas! Can you believe how amazing my wife is? I can’t believe it either.”

Varric passed by and muttered “Blondies, shut up, the whole damn tavern can hear you guys.”

Practically ignoring what Cullen had just said, Alistair steers the conversation away. “Ah,” He took a one more swig of his liquor and smiled to himself. “I wonder how well Elissa is taking being Queen of Ferelden, you know, the place we all live and love right now, even though it’s been over a decade and a half.”

Cullen rolled his eyes, as if to say that being Queen wasn’t anything special. “Being Queen is good and all, but who do you call when you have a major problem that you can’t handle? The Inquisitor and her Inquisition, which happened to be Evelyn and us! Isn’t that wonderful?” Cullen smiled, looking proud with victory.

“Well, at least we both know one thing is true,” Alistair started.

“What is that?” Cullen looked confused.

“I love my wife more than you,” Alistair confidently declared.

“Is that a joke Alistair?” Cullen retorted.

“No, it’s a fact,” Alistair slammed down his empty cup.

“My love for Evelyn exceeds yours towards Elissa, I guarantee!”

“Let’s see about that _Commander Rutherford_.” Alistair took his lead out the door, Cullen leading towards the opposite exit.

“Alright, _King Alistair,_ ” Cullen declared marching out the door, as people of the tavern began taking their bets on how long this petty feud will last and who will actually one up the other in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> well, i tried, i hope you liked it, I tried really hard fam, but it was really late and I probably word vomited, and there may be a few grammar errors I'm so sorry but hey at least I wrote it!


End file.
